I have put off blogging for way too long. I figured my struggle hasn't change, and it's only brought me lower (by bringing my weight higher!), so it's just the same old thing. But I think I HAVE to write. Not for my readers, but for me. I need to think it through on paper, own it, and dig deeper each day until I reclaim what I once had.
What can I say that I have not already said? I have officially regained 30 pounds of the 68 I had lost. And I re-start my program, or start something new, every Monday. And fall off by Wednesday. Sometimes I make it a week and lose (last week I lost almost 10 pounds in 6 days), only to face a challenge and end up in a downward spiral again. I KNOW I can do it....I just did it a year ago! I have to get my body and mind back to its addiction free state. But sugar/carbs are so hard to kick! And just cutting the calories in general. I'm so disgusted with myself for eating too much, eating the wrong things, and allowing my stomach to be stretched back so that I'm hungrier.
I need routine, but the past few months I just haven't been able to keep one. Holidays, vacations, birthdays, kids home from school/college. I feel as though I need to be distracted from food temptations, but I can't keep distracted 24/7. I need to rest my body and mind, and care for my family. I try to keep busy, but then I just exhaust myself.
Wow. Just proof-read that. So negative! So hopeless! I need to brainstorm some positives.
1. I have a bike that I can ride, and a nice neighborhood for walking.
2. I have a job that keeps me moving all day.
3. I have a pool in my backyard for refreshment and low-impact exercise.
4. I only have to work part time.
5. I have a small family, and my kids are old enough to do most things for themselves.
6. I was fortunate enough to get a relaxing week's vacation with my family, and to have a few days with my daughter at camp that I can get extra work done around the house.
Ok, I'm just tired now. More later.