Saturday, July 18, 2015

SORTING IT OUT ON "PAPER"

Sitting here in my office on a very dreary Saturday, as it thunders and rains outside.  My last day with my youngest away at camp, so maybe that to-do list can wait until to-morrow! I think I need the time to catch up here.  I'm still learning how to follow other's blogs, and so enjoyed my friend DJ's stitching blogs!  I do not share the talent, but I certainly appreciate it! I so appreciate all those who follow me and encourage me. I'll look you all up eventually!

An update on my FOOD blogging:  Still on the journey.  Still failing and re-starting almost daily.  But I don't quit.  No victories to report, but I know they will come.  I'm truly trying to jump-start the FAITH part, because I know that will help me deal with the other issues.  I haven't said much about the FEARS part lately, either.  It's day by day.  My diagnosed anxiety is well controlled with mild medication, but I do "feel" it now and then.  The fears that cause me the most difficulty are the fear of failing at my health goals, the fear of being misunderstood by others, the fear of making mistakes as a wife and parent, and the fear of losing my faith all together in the search for truth.  For me, all three are woven together, hence, my blog name. 

In my mind today, they are all volleying for position!  That's why my thoughts seem all over the place.  Writing sometimes is the only way I can sort things out. 

Health goals:  Get my sugar-addiction under control through abstinence, continue fitting exercise in but regaining a focus on strength training, AND...

Battle plan for fears:  Return to my daily deep breathing/mental focusing (mindfulness?), AND.....

Faith Fitness:  Begin again to read SOMETHING from the Bible daily and pray, giving God a chance to speak to me through that venue.  Yet still search other venues, such as books, articles.

Later.


Tuesday, July 7, 2015

No News Is Not Always Good News

I have put off blogging for way too long.  I figured my struggle hasn't change, and it's only brought me lower (by bringing my weight higher!), so it's just the same old thing.  But I think I HAVE to write.  Not for my readers, but for me.  I need to think it through on paper, own it, and dig deeper each day until I reclaim what I once had.
What can I say that I have not already said?  I have officially regained 30 pounds of the 68 I had lost.  And I re-start my program, or start something new, every Monday.  And fall off by Wednesday.  Sometimes I make it a week and lose (last week I lost almost 10 pounds in 6 days), only to face a challenge and end up in a downward spiral again.  I KNOW I can do it....I just did it a year ago!  I have to get my body and mind back to its addiction free state.  But sugar/carbs are so hard to kick!  And just cutting the calories in general. I'm so disgusted with myself for eating too much, eating the wrong things, and allowing my stomach to be stretched back so that I'm hungrier. 
I need routine, but the past few months I just haven't been able to keep one.  Holidays, vacations, birthdays, kids home from school/college.  I feel as though I need to be distracted from food temptations, but I can't keep distracted 24/7.  I need to rest my body and mind, and care for my family.  I try to keep busy, but then I just exhaust myself. 

Wow.  Just proof-read that.  So negative! So hopeless!  I need to brainstorm some positives.

1. I have a bike that I can ride, and a nice neighborhood for walking. 
2. I have a job that keeps me moving all day.
3. I have a pool in my backyard for refreshment and low-impact exercise.
4. I only have to work part time.
5. I have a small family, and my kids are old enough to do most things for themselves.
6. I was fortunate enough to get a relaxing week's vacation with my family, and to have a few days with my daughter at camp that I can get extra work done around the house.

Ok, I'm just tired now.  More later.