Monday, January 19, 2015

CHANGE HAS TO COME FROM WITHIN

We hear it all the time.  Change has to come from within.  We can lose weight, but if we don't change our habits we will gain it all back. 
I've "changed" many times in life.  In high school I began to learn about nutrition, counting calories, and the importance of exercise.  I lost weight. But gained it back.
In college I continued learning about nutrition, healthy habits and exercise...there was always something new out there.  I lost weight.  I gained it back.
In my young adult/single life I found more books, more ideas, more theories, more psychology, more exercise gurus, and I lost a LOT of weight.  And kept it off for over a year.
I got married, and got pregnant.  I was determined not to gain any more weight than what was needed for the baby.  I continued exercise.  But life changes, hormones change, emotions play their part, and I gained A LOT of weight, mostly in the 3rd trimester. 
Back on the wagon after giving birth, and this time it was much harder!  But I regained my inner strength and lost the weight! And life slams me again.
The pattern continues for many more years.  Now I'm 47 and I lost 68 pounds in 2014!  But I've already gained back 8.  I cannot seem to get back on track.  I know more than the average person about diet and nutrition and exercise and hydration and overall good health.  I see my doctor more than most people.  I go to the dentist regularly.  Each week I buy healthy foods and most weeks I plan meals to try to keep my whole family on a good nutritional path.  And yet nearly every evening now I fall prey to this horrible snacking addiction. The justification, the cravings, the temptations.  I can do so well all day, or maybe I'm just barely holding on, it doesn't matter.  I fall off the wagon. Every. Single. Night. 
I AM motivated....I'm desperate to get below 200 and stay there...preferably below 190.  I'm so close, but just can't reach it.  I'm so tired of trying.  I'm so SCARED of gaining.  I have so many distractions in place to try to keep my mind off food, but it just doesn't work. 
I feel hopeless tonight.  I feel out of control.  I want freedom from this addiction. What does it take to change me on the inside?  My head knows right, but my impulses control my actions.  I change the bad habits for a time, but the fight to keep the "demons" at bay just becomes too much. 

2 comments:

  1. Sending hugs and prayers your way. I feel your pain. I wish I knew the answers...it's so hard to beat an addiction of something that you actually need to live. *Hugs* Deb

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  2. Thanks Deb! I'm pulling myself up a bit. If nothing else I need to "hold on"/maintain until this winter is over! Things always go better for me in spring.

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