Friday, December 12, 2014

I HATE THE TERM "WILLPOWER"


will power

noun
1.
control of one's impulses and actions; self-control


I've struggled with overeating my whole life.  I honestly do NOT remember a time when I was not cautioned by loved ones not to eat so much.  My first diet was at age 9, with a regular diet struggle beginning around age 15 and continuing to the present.  I definitely WANTED to lose weight and eat better.  I educated myself and tried exercise programs and even joined the track team (as a manager/statistician because I couldn't run) and did workouts with the team.  I wholeheartedly followed a nutrition education and exercise program in college as my Phys. Ed. credit and learned about calorie counting, empty calories, etc.  Even though I HATED gym classes throughout elementary and high school (because I wasn't good at it and got teased/embarrassed) I liked to do workouts like walking, aerobics, stationary bikes and steppers.  And yet all of this time I was overweight. 

DOES THIS SOUND LIKE A LACK OF SELF-CONTROL TO YOU?

I'd work hard and get down a few pounds...maybe as much as 20...then circumstances and life struggles would throw me back into emotional eating, stress eating, and convenience eating.  EVERY TIME.  And guess what? Medifast hasn't been any different.  I had to DRASTICALLY  change my environment and habits, which greatly affected my family, in order to be 100% on the program at the beginning.  When I could no longer continue that level of "control", I began the old struggles of impulsive eating.  I used every bit of distraction I could to try to avoid it, but over the past few months I have fallen back to the CONSTANT struggle not to overeat.  And I'm still on Medifast....the program that helped me lose 50 pounds in 6 months!  Now I'm struggling to not gain over the holidays, and hoping to squeak out a few pounds a month in the New Year.  What happened to my momentum? 

What happened to my WILLPOWER?? 

I TRY  constantly to control my impulses, but my brain and my spirit tire of the battle and just give in.  Sometimes just for a moment...sometimes long enough to ruin the progress I've made. 

ALCOHOLISM CANNOT BE "CURED", NOR CAN ANY ADDICTION.

No matter how much "willpower" I exercise, it will eventually run out.  No one can control their lives and surroundings 100%. 

INSERT SOLUTION HERE

Sorry...I don't have it.  If I did I'd be doing infomercials.  I simply start over every day.  Every morning.  If I succeed one day, it fuels me the next day.  If I fail, I dig deeper.  But sometimes there is just nothing left and days go by where I rest from the struggle.  And then I begin again.  It's not willpower.  It's HOPE.  It's DESPERATION. It's LOVE for my family and a desire to care for those I love with a healthy body.