Saturday, August 30, 2014

Weeks 22 and 23.

It's getting a little boring posting weekly because the weight loss is now much slower.  It appears I completely forgot to post it last week!  So here it is....Week 22/Day 154 down 3.3 pounds (making up for the previous week), and today, Week 23/Day 161 down 1.7 pounds for a total of 54.6.

It's been another tricky week with being out of town Saturday through Monday.  My old self is still there, and slowly weakening the "new" me.  When I have to be around food/temptation constantly it gets me so frustrated.  I struggle to avoid it, my head tells me I deserve it and that I can have just a taste.  Justify, justify, justify.  Often I'm successful all day in those situations, only to get home and start eating everything in sight.  My eating issues are so emotional!  And my hunger issues just make it worse.  I'm still hungry when I do this diet correctly.  Of course, now that I keep doing little cheats every week I mess up the "metabolism magic" so that it takes a week to get back on track again.  If I never cheated, maybe I wouldn't be hungry?  Who knows. 
My coach suggested taking out artificial sweeteners because they can confuse our brain into thinking we're getting sugar when we're not, and then our body wonders where it is, so it responds with hunger and cravings.  So I tried it, but with already feeling so deprived and struggling to do this "right", restricting more just made me crazier.  Losing the flavor of my beverages made everything so much blander...something I couldn't take.

Bottom line, I AM  still losing, miraculously.  And I keep getting back up when I fall. 

To those just starting this journey, please keep going.  IT IS HARD.  But it will work.  At the beginning I had to change my environment and mindset drastically in order to be able to take this on.  Do what you have to.  The first two months are crucial.  And talk to your coach!  Even when you feel guilty/ashamed, your coach will help, I promise!

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Week 21/Day 147

I'm on a plateau, it seems.  I only lost .6 this week.  I weighed almost every day again (because I'm obsessed).  It was a lot lower a few days ago. My calories have decreased, as has my sodium.  I'm hungry a lot, but my weight has gone up overall in the past two weeks.  I'm currently removing artificial sweeteners from my diet.  THAT is killing me!  Coach says they make me crave/hungry/gain.  I'm trying to see if kicking them helps, but I miss flavor!! (And I don't like lemon in my water)
This means no Diet Coke, so I lose my caffeine source (don't like coffee/cold tea). 
Heading to beach for two days.  Have to stay strict with diet and no flavored beverages.  My attitude is not very good right now! 

Monday, August 11, 2014

I've messed up

This week is not going well.  I'm trying so hard each day to stay on the program, but my old habits are back.  I'm hungry and so I'm snacking.  I try to stick with what I'm "allowed" to have on the program, and just increase the portions.  But I'm just plain eating too much.  Mathematically, as I've said before, it doesn't make sense.  I'm still not eating enough calories to gain weight.  But I am.  So I'm hungry most of the day, craving stuff all day, and gaining weight.  I'm up 2 pounds since July 29th. 

The only way I know to fix this is to get back to Nazi style, like on day one...basically starting over.  I'm panicked, as I remember just how hard those first days and weeks were and I doubt my ability to be that strong again. 

And today is my birthday.  Can't even have something special.

I brought this on myself by cheating.  But seriously, are there Medifast users out there who can do this program for 4-5 months and NOT cheat?  Ever? 

Eh!! Just so frustrated and disappointed with myself.  I do NOT want to gain!

Saturday, August 9, 2014

A Light in the Dark! (more on Faith)

A good friend of mine suggested a book to me after she read my blog.  The book, CONVICTIONS: How I Learned What Matters Most, by Marcus J. Borg, has been a great help to me!  Borg deals with many of the questions that I have had concerning inerrancy of the Bible.  As I've mentioned before, I SO BADLY want the faith I once had, but life and education and scientific discovery left me having to choose between intellect and faith.  How could I deny intellectual findings?  Just the concept of "God's wisdom is greater than our foolishness" wasn't cutting it for me.  Yet I couldn't deny the fact that I felt a true Spirit within me, Someone who has comforted me and given me peace for years.   
I could restate Borg, and Rob Bell, and other authors, but instead I just suggest that you read for yourself!  They deal with these questions/concepts much better than I ever could. 
Bottom line, I finally feel like I can sincerely worship God and cherish the Bible as truth again, without holding to Biblical inerrancy.  What a load off my heart and spirit!

Paying the penalty

Taking a "break" from the strict 5 and 1 of the Medifast program (5 medifast meals and 1 lean and green meal each day) always bring weight gain.  This week I wanted to relax a little because I had finally hit the 50 pound mark and we were going to be going away for a few days (mini vacation).  I started my "break" by allowing myself a soft pretzel from Auntie Anne's.  Big carbs there, and sodium, and fat (butter).  This type of thing (even on a much smaller scale) always results in a weight gain for a couple days, but then comes right back off.  I was willing to accept that for a little "normalcy".  The next few days I simply increased my "lean and green" (a few more oz. of lean meat and extra veggies), and allowed myself a piece of cheese here and there.  I actually did just fine at the amusement park and museum and hotel.  My issues were on the long ride home in the car.  I was out of Medifast snacks and so tired of restrictions, and just plain hungry.  I went into a convenience store in search of snacks for the family and the best I found for myself was peanuts.  And I ate quite a few of them. 

Now, I had decided not to weigh myself for a whole week (I've been weighing every day or two).  But after those four days off I was getting nervous.  So I weighed in and found I had gained 3 1/2 pounds.  About what I thought. So I got right back on the program, but found myself hungrier than usual.  Now, on Medifast, after the first few days one is not supposed to feel hungry.  I always have.  For some reason, I just struggle with this.  There have been some days that I really don't experience hunger, but not often.  But going off program and then starting up again is probably the reason for the extreme hunger the next couple of days.  I ate an extra Medifast each day and increased veg and protein a little. 

I weighed in today and the scale is creeping back down slowly.  I'm still 1.6 pounds heavier than last week. 

I've been dieting for so long, counting calories most of my life, etc.  When I "do the math" that SHOULD work, it's frustrating.  The total calories that I consumed each day on that 4 day "break" should not have resulted in weight gain.  I should have maintained.  But something about the Medifast way (metabolism, super low sugar/carb) makes my body work differently.  Eating carbs causes these spikes.  I knew this, and I accept the fact that when I do reach goal, there is a long "weaning" period to get me back onto "real" foods.  The huge, fast weight loss is my reward! 

So, it's been a little frustrating this week, but not anything more than what I expected.  I felt I really needed a break.  Sometimes life happens. 

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Week 19 totals

In week 19 I lost 3 pounds!  I've lost a total of 50.6 pounds and I feel so much better!  I'm half way to goal!  I took measurements again this week.  In the past 5 weeks I've lost another 4 inches, for a total of 16 1/2 inches in 4 months. (I measure chest, waist, hips and thigh).  I've been weighing daily for quite some time, but I'm going to try to stay off the scale until next Saturday and see how I do.