Saturday, July 26, 2014

Week 18: Ropes Course

This past week I lost just one pound.  I'm still glad the scale keeps going down, but I know I can do better.  You see, I've had trouble with temptations and nibbling, and with hunger in general.  From a Medifast/Take Shape For Life perspective, this is not good.  If I stick with the program 100% I should not feel hungry and the temptations should be less.  But from a practical perspective, I have been seriously restricted for 4 months, and I've had to deal with so much food around me that I can't  have.  100% seems unrealistic, and yet if I don't do it 100% then I'm reducing the science of Medifast to just a calorie counting program.  It's much more than that.  I want the fat-burning state that I had a month ago, but I don't see how I can be THAT strong without isolating myself.  I've really been trying my best, but I do falter a lot.  I have NEVER stayed with a program this long, or lost this much (my previous "record" was when I lost 40 pounds in a year in my mid twenties). 
So all I can do is continue to take one day at a time.  I'm, once again, starting my week super-focused, even as I've had to shop for groceries for my family and put it all away in the fridge and pantry, knowing most of it I can't have.

On a very positive, proud note, yesterday I went with my family to a local indoor/outdoor amusement park.  I felt confident to get into a go cart (used to worry I was too big), but I didn't drive (still working on confidence in trying new things).  But I tried it...step one!  Then I tried a ropes course...also used to be too big, but now I'm well under the max. weight.  But I don't care for heights. I did it because I knew in my heart that I could and I wanted to prove it to myself.  So I harnessed up and up I went!  But wow, that was scary!  Looks much easier from below!  And my brain didn't acknowledge the harness I was just chanted "You're gonna die, you're gonna die!!" But as I watched about 8 preteen girls dancing around on the ropes like they were no big deal, I decided I couldn't be shown up!  And I SLOWLY crept across course #1, then onto another, and another.  I was ready to say, "Okay, I've proved enough" when I realized I still had to cross BACK in order to go DOWN!  And so I did...because I really wanted to go back down! 
I'm a survivor!  Bucket list down by one!

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