Monday, June 23, 2014

Three Month Totals and Musings

June 22nd marked 3 months on my Medifast Journey.  I've decided to post numbers today...something that has been very hard for me to disclose.  But all they are is numbers.  How I look and feel, and my overall health is what is important. 
On March 22, 2014, on my new digital scale, I weighed in at 264.8.  On June 22, 2014, I weighed in at 224.8 exactly! (And yes, those "points" mean a lot to me!)  I lost 40 pounds!

I won't list all my measurements, but my 3 month losses are as follows:  Chest= 3in., Waist= 4in., Hips= 2.5 in., Thigh= 3inches.  I am down 2 full sizes in clothes, and I'm nearing the next size down. 

I'm ecstatic when I stop and think about how long I've struggled to find something that works, and then how far I've come so fast.  And yet I still find myself anxious for the scale to go down and the next size down to fit because I so badly want to stop being fat forever!!  The emotions don't stop!

Unfortunately, I still have all the same addictions I had on day one.  I cheat in little ways nearly every day.  At first I was able to avoid "real" food by allowing my husband and my two kids (18 and 11) to "fend for themselves".  I stayed out of the kitchen and away from food that wasn't on my program.  I avoided the pantry and had a "mom shelf" in the fridge.  But as time has passed, I see that my family is not eating the way I'd like...I don't see enough veggies being consumed, and too much processed stuff and eating out.  So I've put myself back in the kitchen some to try to fix this.  And what do I do?  I nibble.  I try all the tricks (mints, etc) to prevent this, but often I WANT to nibble...and it always leads to more that what I'd intended.  Some days I'm very strong and calm and others I'm a mess and want to eat everything in sight.  I still need work!!  And lots of it.  But I'm just not sure where to get help.  Even therapists start by sending me to a nutritionist (been there-not the issue) and weight watchers (done that program 3 or 4 times).  It's not knowledge or program.  It's love of food, emotional eating, sugar and carb addiction.  I have yet to read a book that truly helps (and I've read SO MANY).  I even tried Overeater's Anonymous for a while.  I've been asking God for deliverance and help since I was a teen! 

I believe I will be in a daily battle over this for the rest of my life.  The biggest job now is to release another 40-50 pounds, then I need to learn to maintain.  The thought of it fills me with fear.  So I can only focus on today.

I'm SO GRATEFUL for where I am right now.  I feel so much better!  I move better, I'm happier, I can buy most of my clothes in stores now (as opposed to online plus size stores).  But I can't let down my guard.

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