Friday, May 9, 2014

SOME DAYS...(Food and Fears categories)

Some days are just hard.  When my brain and body are tired and my workload seems overwhelming, letting go of food as my comfort is sheer torture.  This was one of those days.  From the moment I got out of bed I was overwhelmed by all that needed to be done, and my instinct was to eat! 
I have been weighing myself daily again to watch for fluctuations so that I'm not so freaked out by minimal weekly losses.  For the first few weeks, if the scale "stalled" or went up, it would go right back down in a few days. But this was week 7, and it. just.stalled.  I was SO hoping to make a milestone this week.  I lost very little the past two weeks so I thought sure I would see the scale go down this week.  It did, for 3 days, then back up again.   Tomorrow is my official weigh-in, and unless my body does something crazy, that milestone is still several pounds away.  Yeah. So much for not freaking out. 
So how does this relate to fear?  I am so afraid that I will continue to make these sacrifices but not get results...torture all for nothing.  I'm afraid that I just can't keep it up (I've had several "slips" when I tasted bites of "forbidden fruit") and I will fail...I will gain it all back.  I fear that I got overconfident in doing this program and in putting myself out there for all to see (FB and this blog).  I will fail in front of the whole world. 
And then there is the fear that, if I'm so tempted by food already, when I still have at least 4 months to go, what will it be like when I return to normal eating? How do I stop the compulsion?
So what did I do about it?  I basically just gritted my teeth and kept going.  I forced myself to get started on my to-do list, and I just kept reminding myself that I only have to do Medifast for TODAY.  Tomorrow will worry about itself.  If I can just follow the rules for 24 hours until my weigh-in, then maybe I can even take a meal/day off.  So I just kept going. 
I ended the day at a friend's house, planned almost a week ago.  I've lost enough weight to need more clothes, but don't want to pay much because I may not stay in this size long.  This friend has lost a lot of weight over the past year and had a lot of clothes to get rid of.  She had them priced for consignment and let me choose what I wanted before she took them to a shop.  I got some REALLY nice things that fit me well.  It felt good to see myself in clothes that fit.  It reminded me that my work thus far IS paying off. 
And yet tonight, I struggled with watching the kids eating snacks.  I ate some cheese curls...I know I'll regret it. (Not a big bowl like the old days...about 6-8 pieces...but even that can mess with my metabolism). 
As I said.  This Is Hard.

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