Monday, March 31, 2014

The Faith part

You may be wondering how I came up with "Food, Fears and Faith" as my blog name.  It's been obvious so far that the "Food" part is my journey to conquer my obesity issue once and for all.  I figured that by blogging I would
1. Be "out there" for all to see, giving me incentive to stick with it 2. Have an outlet to vent the difficult times and rejoice in the successes, and
3. Encourage anyone out there who may be going through the same struggles.

The "Fears" part, you may have figured out, is because letting go of food as comfort causes me to have to face ALL KINDS of fears in my life...fear of failure, fear of being hungry, fear of facing my addictive food "demons".

I included the "Faith" part because, along with the food and fear issues, I'm also going through a mid-life crisis in my faith.  I'm questioning ideas and theologies and practices that have been part of my life since birth, but that  I never really "chose"....just accepted, because everyone around me did.  Over the past few years, this has been a violent storm within me.  So much is just incredibly hard to explain, so I'll save that for when I have more time.  But I will be throwing in some of my musings in that area, and welcome feedback.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Rocky Start To Week Two

I was running out of adrenalin as I began week two yesterday.  I was thrilled with my 9.8 pound loss, but I was craving SO MANY FOODS, and just absolutely sick of being hungry.  (yes, I am hungry a lot on this program, but it has gotten better). Of course I wanted to celebrate the loss, too! But I knew it couldn't be with food.  (But I soooooo wanted it to be! To reward myself!)

So here are the facts.  I tried to just rest and enjoy the Saturday, but guilt set in because there was a lot to be done.  So I tried to start a project, but I needed my husbands help and he was busy.  Next project, needed my son and my computer...both busy.  Then I just became incredibly cranky and frustrated!  I couldn't accomplish anything, but sitting around was making me crave food.  My daughter was bored and I was trying desperately to find something for her to do that didn't involve electronic devises!  But it was raining cats and dogs....no outdoor activities.  So, after a little Mommy Meltdown, I declared that Kelly and I would be going to the Mall to shop for clothes that she needed. 

We ready ourselves for the mall and then I realize....I have to get her lunch there....and I will have to watch. And smell.  What have I just done?  But we go anyway, Medifast snacks in my purse.  Her favorite food court counter was closed...for good.  She doesn't want anything else....(I would've eaten ANYTHING at that point, so I had no sympathy).  She settled on Auntie Anne's pretzel dog.  Oh. Did. That. Smell. Amazing.  Hunger pangs killing me...got a diet coke to share with her...that helped.  My little snack didn't help enough...killed the hunger but didn't TOUCH the temptation.  I asked her for a bite. She questioned me about my diet in a very grown up but respectful way.  I told her I promised it would be one bite and no more and that I would stick to the program the rest of the day.  She conceded.  Best. Morsel. In. The. World. 

After just one week.  And on a "high" day when I started out feeling so successful.  Set back, but not a train wreck. 

The rest of the day was "on program", but filled with food fantasies.  Stayed up much later than usual watching a movie, and the hunger was BAD because it had been 2 hours since my last snack. Went to bed hungry.  (BTW, the movie was Hunger Games! :)


Saturday, March 29, 2014

Week One


For those looking for numbers, I'm just not ready to post that deeply embarrassing fact.  So let's just say I want to lose 100 pounds, and this is not unreasonable for me.  (Many who know me will not believe this, because I "carry it well", but trust that my Dr. agrees.)

The first few days were difficult as far as being hungry and tired goes.  This was a SIGNIFICANT reduction in calories from what I was used to (From about 3,800 per day to about 850 per day).  But the support from friends and family and my "adrenalin" kept me pushing through.  Drinking hot tea was one of my solutions, and eating slowly was a MUST!  I've NEVER been good at eating slowly, but because I could only eat one small portion of Medifast food every 2 1/2-3 hours, I ate slowly to make it last.  I drank all the water that was required as well (80 oz. daily for someone my size, plus an additional 8 oz. for every 8 oz. of Diet Coke I drank....this quickly reduced THAT consumption!)

Significant to the mental aspect of this challenge was my frequent visualizing of what I will look and feel like if I can just keep this up for six months.  Imagining the upcoming summer with much less weight to haul around in the heat and humidity.  Reminding myself of all my physical hindrances to a fulfilling life also helped.  I need to have relief from back and foot pain, get off high blood pressure meds, and be able to shop "off the rack" like a normal person (rather than from online "fat" stores).

"Food fantasies", as I call them, began about day 3.  At first it was just thinking about foods I've had recently and imagining how they would taste, then it progressed to actually dreaming at night that I had forgotten I was dieting and ate the "old" way! By the end of the first week I was having to push thoughts of food/eating out of my head constantly.  So many cravings!! 

What kept me from cheating?  Well, I think it is because I chose to weigh myself every morning for the first week.  I needed to know that this was working in order to stick to it.  When the first 24 hours released me of 4 POUNDS (water weight, of course), I was VERY motivated to continue.  Day two released 2.6 pounds.  Another pound a day for days 3 and 4, and then fractions after that.  Now I'm going to weigh in only weekly.

WEEK ONE TOTAL LOSS = 9.8 POUNDS

Friday, March 28, 2014

MY STORY

My name is Andrea. I'm 46 years old, and I've battled obesity all my life.  For a few years in my late 20's I had "conquered" it and was living a very fit and healthy lifestyle.  But getting married, and having children sent me backwards.  It's been 2 steps forward and 3 steps back ever since.  About a year ago, after failing at Weight Watchers, a hospital weight loss clinic, Nutrisystem, Atkins, and a few others, I just gave up.  I had such a hard time saying no to food.  Even though I loved to exercise, time and injuries and the weight itself kept me from being able to do enough to make a difference.  I had spent SO MUCH MONEY trying to lose weight.  So I just lived life for a year.  But I hated how I looked and just could not accept it.  So when I was given the opportunity to talk with a Coach for Take Shape for Life (Medifast products), I decided I had nothing to lose.  I laid it all out there....can you help me?  She was so confident and so convincing with her clients' before and after pictures that I decided I would give this one last ditch effort. 

First I had to overcome my fears.  Fear of failing.  Fear of being hungry.  Fear of health problems because it was such a drastic cut in calories.  Fear of the commitment of SIX MONTHS without my addictive foods.  To do this required two things. First, I talked with my family and told them I could not prepare food for them for at least the first month.  My kids are 18 and 11, so with my husband's help they really don't NEED me to be involved in their meals.  I needed to be separated from my addictions as much as possible.  Second, I posted on social media to my closest friends and asked for support.  I was specific, and I was humble.  With the flood of support this brought, I jumped into the Medifast program head first. 

It's only been six days, but I've lost 9 pounds.  Tomorrow morning is my one-week weigh-in.